isaacsapphire (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
isaacsapphire) wrote2009-03-15 01:54 am
isaacsapphire) wrote2009-03-15 01:54 am
Newspaper Mistakes that I made
Ok, last semester I was forced to take Newspaper, so I had to do some articles for the blasted student paper. I got to do the national news section once, and it just happened to be for the edition right after the election, so I actually got to be the one to say that Obama won. I'm sure that'll be one for the grandkids (grandnephews more like). I'm pretty proud of that column, except there was about one word and a comma that I wanted to take out, but I guess that's not bad. Still proud of my opportunity to slant the news the way *I* thought it should go for once.
"In Arizona, an eight year old boy with no history of behavior problems has been accused of the premeditated murder of his father and a male friend of the father. Domestic violence calls had been placed from the home previously."
Yeah, totally slanted it to make it look like the kid did it in self-defense, because that's my interpretation and I sincerely think that kids very rarely kill for no good reason. It's awesome how much of news is opinion, even when it doesn't look like it at all. (I only had so much space *looks innocent*) But yeah, that's kind of a side issue.
I also mentioned developments in the case of Lorei Drew and gay marriage prohibitions made or not made in the election (no news sources seemed to know that the Connecticut vote about conniving a constitutional convention was really about gay marriage.) So it was cool getting to put in my own pets into the paper. The Lori Drew thing is a personal concern because something similar to what she did was done to one of my friends. Thankfully he didn't kill himself, but it did serious psychological damage.
Then there was the article about ways to get around without a car and I completely failed to remember that a lot of churches have Sunday morning vans they pick people up with (it's a Christian college.)
Or in the same article about how I said there was a Blockbuster in walking distance when I didn't realize that it had gone out of business a year ago.
What I'm mad about is that I missed something in my article on Product(red) I failed to realize that The Killers do a Christmas song for them every year and last year's (the one I would have been writing about) was really good AND would have gone over well with the readership. I had such a pain with that article because I really wasn't enthusiastic about any of the products I was pimping, but I could have really gotten behind this and people might have actually gone out and bought it. Except I didn't know.
"In Arizona, an eight year old boy with no history of behavior problems has been accused of the premeditated murder of his father and a male friend of the father. Domestic violence calls had been placed from the home previously."
Yeah, totally slanted it to make it look like the kid did it in self-defense, because that's my interpretation and I sincerely think that kids very rarely kill for no good reason. It's awesome how much of news is opinion, even when it doesn't look like it at all. (I only had so much space *looks innocent*) But yeah, that's kind of a side issue.
I also mentioned developments in the case of Lorei Drew and gay marriage prohibitions made or not made in the election (no news sources seemed to know that the Connecticut vote about conniving a constitutional convention was really about gay marriage.) So it was cool getting to put in my own pets into the paper. The Lori Drew thing is a personal concern because something similar to what she did was done to one of my friends. Thankfully he didn't kill himself, but it did serious psychological damage.
Then there was the article about ways to get around without a car and I completely failed to remember that a lot of churches have Sunday morning vans they pick people up with (it's a Christian college.)
Or in the same article about how I said there was a Blockbuster in walking distance when I didn't realize that it had gone out of business a year ago.
What I'm mad about is that I missed something in my article on Product(red) I failed to realize that The Killers do a Christmas song for them every year and last year's (the one I would have been writing about) was really good AND would have gone over well with the readership. I had such a pain with that article because I really wasn't enthusiastic about any of the products I was pimping, but I could have really gotten behind this and people might have actually gone out and bought it. Except I didn't know.
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Now I'm all curious about you and your backstory... Feel free to crash the rest of my journal if you want to talk a bit. How the heck did you find me anyway?
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As you are fairly interested within my life story, I'll strive to keep it extremely concise as the very nature of my life story and all its innumerable details causes it to be an extremely long winded at its core. Beginning with tenth grade, I've always had an inclination towards becoming depressed as my manner to cope with the daunting elements of my own life. Depression's the security blanket that coddles me as I try to ignore the looming fears of my life, constantly encumbering my self esteem and general ability to fully embrace my self identity. Now to be honest, my manner thinking has always been centered on a more morbid pattern of thinking. My current counselor describes my thought process as "morbid introspection." For generally my thoughts are focused more on the negative elements of my life thereby enabling myself to experience panic attacks or catatonic stages during the latter half of a reasonably fine day.
Why have all these psychological problems developed? Well; genetics have a immense influence on the shaping of my brain and it's ability to cope with certain life problems. But I believe intently the core of my depression and frequent panic attacks have developed from self hatred directed towards the aspect of my identity that I'm unwilling to accept because of my parent's extreme condemnation upon the homosexual lifestyle. Though currently I identify myself as being pan sexual because I do not entirely believing in gender being a constraint for love and also I've discovered I've had feelings for a few women within my life though I mostly prefer men. Maybe I'm bisexual, I'm still entirely unsure because I tend to prefer emotional love more than the carnal aspects of love as I've been sexually harassed for a large extent of my life, both verbally and physically.
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Internally, there exists extreme hatred directed towards myself as I believe with every action performed it usually results in failure due to my inadequacy borne out of the repression of my intrinsic self identity. Every time, I'm sitting idly, focusing on the positive elements of my life, an alarming fear surface within my mind which berates me on all my failures and how my future shall cease to exist all due to my inability to rectify my current situation. Instead of merely dismissing this phantom's lies, I allow it to completedly encumber my entire thought process. Every memory becomes reversed and suddenly even the happiest moments within my life are perceived as being the din of my existence.
For the past few years, I've contained my morose feelings and instead created a facade of perfection used to delude others into believing I'm highly confident with my self. For, I have a fear of revealing my underside to anyone due to the pervasive fear that any love I feel for anyone shall betray me as everyone has the ulterior motive buried beneath their feigned smile to maim me. I've never had any close friends albeit one who understands my depths and experiences without any explicit explanation on my part. Without her, I may have already killed myself if she had not intervened within my life and expressed to me the quality of my being and self worth. Otherwise, these things would never have been as transparent for I would have spent the rest of my life wallowing within my own self pity always envisioning someone to love me on a deep emotional level and see through my gaunt exterior, hardly alluring to the eyes.
Sorry for the metaphors but there's so much depth to my story and the reason why I was ejected from the last college I attended was due to a suicide attempt which was reversed because of a desperate phone call I've made to her. For the past several months, I've become reclusive in my manner of living. I have vacated the gay social scene due to a situation involving a near rape incident while being on a date. Instead I have placated myself within my room and have discovered the greatest diversion from the miseries of my life; video games and books. Formerly, they've always been a wonderful excursion from the stresses and tirades that numerate my life. But their importance for my own vitality has become even more necessary than ever before. Writing's an escape on a rudimentary level yet ironically as one writes, they revisit all their sub conscious fears. So though one believes they are escaping the fears, they are merely incurring their wrath through the means of verbally expressing these feelings formerly lodged deep within their minds. Thus far this comment's extremely convoluted which surely makes it very difficult for one to read. All my words sound awkward because I had hardly any social interaction for the past two months besides hanging with my close female friend and discussing Final Fantasy and DMC for extended periods of times. I'm still suffering from depression and panic attacks presently and have found no relief. Explaining my affliction to other raises eyebrows and usually a remark of my weakness or selfishness ensues. As such, I hardly write anything to others because of the fear of receiving disdain from my friends and family, reiterating the words spoken by my own self conscious. If you need any more information or clarification, just call me out for it since I'm writing this on one of my "off" days when writing something profound becomes overtaxing.
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I've left the Church and Christianity, partly spurred by the homosexuality issue, but mostly over issues of historical consistency and Truth. The Church provides social and emotional support for a lot of people, but it's done the exact opposite of that for me, leaving me both very messed up and very disenchanted with organized religion.
I'm kinda out to my imitate family, aside from my father, who I believe will disinherit me at the least if he found out.
Honestly, part of what I love about writing is that it's a way to work your issues out. I found incest coming out as a theme in my original works years ago, but fanfic's pretty much the only place where it's accepted to do stories like that. Writing them helps me to deal with my own issues though and posting them might give them a chance to help others. I know it's ironic to talk about reading and writing incestuous slash fanfiction as a means to psychological healing, but I know it's helped me. Part of it is just the willingness to really talk about the subject at all, which helps me to be able to think about it with myself.
But yeah, that first original piece took a lot out of me, what with how insanely dark it was.
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Interestingly, you have explored the realms of incest while I'm currently exploring the depths of the principal surrounding romance based on gender definitions. My primary thought to contend with being whether social constructs or our genetic makeup defines a certain gender. I'm still a Christian even through both abusive relationships I've been in and all the abuses belayed upon me by self righteous, hypocritical Christians who cloak themselves with their strong faith to hide the undergrowth of filth beneath. Not to stigmatize or anything, but I believe those who are self righteous and judgmental towards others usually raise themselves on a pulpit to dissuade people from seeing their more subversive dimension.
Right now I'm still developing the midsection of my story in which I'm highly unaware of the pending direction that the story shall take. Most of my problems with writing lies with my negative opinion of my writing. Rarely will I ever successfully finish a pivotal sequence before deleting the document as I fear the finished product shall be met with my cynical wrath, as I am highly critical of all pieces of writing since I generally am unable to read a book in entirety for those basic reasons. If you are interested, you are more than welcome to read some of my pretentious, bombastic writing. Be aware, you shall greet my writing with much disdain since it's nearly infested with many convention and diction errors.